Three months ago we were set and ready to have a brain simulator put in. We had a team ready to jump at the first approval. It was game on dystonia! Knowing that my head was going to have to be shaved was heartbreaking but I was at THAT desperate.
A month ago my heart shattered once more as insurance denied our request through letter.
My feelings were numb because at the time I wasn't sure what to feel.
These past couple of weeks have been terribly difficult but you'd never know that by looking on facebook and seeing my newest selfie picture would you?
We all seem to have it "together". When in fact we don't. We just don't. You don't. I don't. Maybe it's just me but this past week I have found myself comparing myself to others. Comparing myself to other girl's who have the "perfect" boyfriends, or the perfect "life's" without struggle. Maybe I am the only one who does this? Asking myself over and over again what is so wrong with me? What did I do so wrongly?
I promised when I started writing that I would be real. So let me be real.
I struggle daily.
I am just a simple girl in need of a savior daily.
Dystonia makes me feel unlovable some days.
I think to myself often "Maybe dating would be easier if it wasn't for dystonia"
I am not that book smart.
I struggle with my weight.
My heart has broke in more ways then one since being denied a simulator
So the next time you see a "perfect" post on social media know that they are battling their own battles daily just as we all are.
We all have a battle we are facing daily. Mine might look different from yours but be careful what you say to someone. You have no idea what God has allowed them to walk through.
As I am getting ready to start speech therapy back up for the third time. If it was easy I would have been done a year ago but I'm still working at it. Most days I come out with a smile on my face because I've been blessed with amazing people helping me.
Truth. There are some days I leave thinking "Why was that so hard for me?" You just gotta try even harder next time. Knowing in my heart I'm giving 110% because I want to better myself. Don't we all?
I found this picture the other day and my heart became heavy.
When I first started this speech thing I could barley reply to Blake and say "I'm good!" Heck with adding "How are you?" Ahhh. Glad he didn't take too much offense to that :)
I had one goal and that goal was to be able to read children's book to my pre-preschooler's out loud. Now for some I get that isn't even a goal because you can already do that. However, to me I couldn't.
In MY life dystonia is one of the biggest battles I face daily.
My goals may not look like yours and I am learning that is OK!
My goals are:
To do the BEST I can no matter what
Never giving up (even when that though runs in my brain often)
To serve Jesus daily
Bad day? Great! There's always tomorrow! Make it into a good day.
In everything I do reflect Jesus.
Bringing glory to him even when I don't agree with his plans or ways at times.
I can't see the bigger picture. He can.
Point of this blog is our hearts break. Just because face book doesn't say "Feeling lost today" under our names doesn't mean we aren't feeling lost.
You can either build a person UP and or knock then DOWN.
Choose to build them up!
You may not know their stories and that is OK! We don't always need to know.
Be their friend, and care!
From a personal stand you don't know what it's like to go to work, then jump into speech therapy, then jump back into work. The next day having blood tests, and a doctor's appointment then jumping back to work.
Putting this cover up on that "I'm ok!"
Be a good and faithful friend.
If he can hold the stars in place he can hold our hearts in place!
Trust in the one who created you!
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